Confessions of a human nurse
Case #1 (3 Weeks)- Hey, Mommy! My heart started to beat today! I can move my heart! What should I wear today? Can't be late to work again. Rent is due tomorrow. Can't be late again. Case #2 (4 Weeks)- Hey, Mommy! I'm getting so big! My heart can beat so fast! I've got eyes and ears and a mouth too! So awesome! Why is he such a jerk? Seriously, I don't have time for this. I told him I wasn't feeling good, but he doesn't get it. Work is hard, this stomach bug is the worst. Why can't he just understand? Case #3 (5 Weeks)- Hey, Mommy! I've got arms! And legs! Not sure what they're for yet, but can't wait to show you! This cannot be happening. Not now. The test has to be wrong. I'll try another one. What will I do? Case #4 (7 Weeks)-Hey, Mommy! I've got toes! Look, look! TOES!!! Can this get any better?! How did this happen? I was so careful. Did everything the doctors said. Took my meds, birth control, did everything right. Now they say I'll never survive a pregnancy. I can't die now. My kids have no one else. Case #5 (8 Weeks) -Hey, Mommy! I can move! Aaaah! I'm so excited! I just want to move all day long! Until I need to nap. Like now. This was not a part of the plan. Everything was just starting to get back on track. I just caught up on the bills and debt payments. The end was in sight. I got the promotion at work. I've got to be there more than ever. No way I can I handle a kid! This can't happen. Case #6 (10 Weeks)- Hey, Mommy! I can move my fingers! Oh, wait. I have fingers! Aaaah, new toys! Can you see me waving them? I have to do this. I can't let myself get attached. There's no way I can afford a kid. Mom and Dad would be so mad and disappointed. I'm not even out of high school! Case #7 (11 Weeks) - Hey, Mommy! P.S. I'm a girl. Can't show you yet, but totally a girl. Not again. We just had one. Five was a stretch, but six might break us and the youngest is only 5 months old! I can't do this again. It's too much too soon. Case #8 (11 Weeks)- Hey, Mommy! I can pee! I totally peed today! We just got married! There were plans to make, places to go and we have nothing. Now we never will. It's not a good time. At all. Maybe in a couple more years. We're not mature enough for this! Case #9 (12 Weeks)- Hey, Mommy! Look, I can do a somersault. I tried to suck my fingers, but it's harder than it seems. So close, but fingers are tricky things. He's the one who wanted the kid. Now he won't answer the phone. He won't pay child support either. There's no way I can do this alone. The sooner it's over the better. Case #10 (16 Weeks)- Hey, Mommy! I love to move and dance and twist and turn! There's not much room, but I'm getting stronger every day! I kick a lot now. Can you feel me? Why? Why me? I didn't ask to get raped. I just wanted to forget it all and now this. I can't keep something that is a part of him. It wasn't my fault, why do I keep paying for it? Case #11 (17 Weeks)- Hey, Mommy. What's going on? There are loud voices. I don't know why, but they scare me. Are you okay, Mommy? I can hear your heartbeat going really fast. What's wrong, Mommy? What am I going to do? I'll never get out now. He beat me again last night. My sister said she'd take me, but with a kid he'll just keep coming back. I need to cut him off and everything to do with him. Case #12 (19 Weeks)- Hey, Mommy! Getting a little snug in here, but I'm okay. I've got everything I need to meet you. Just need to get a little bigger. You'll see! I have no choice. This is what I have to do. Just get it over with. Hey, Mommy. What's happening? Something's wrong. I'm scared. Mommy? Mommy!!!!!! God forgive me. It is finished- John 19:30
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August 2018
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