Confessions of a human nurse
When you stand up and hold out your hand/In the face of what I don't understand/My reason to be brave ("Brave," Josh Groban) Growing up shy, I came to dislike certain Bible verses/phrases such as "God has not given us a spirit of fear" (2 Tim 1:17) and was frustrated by others such as "perfect love casts out fear" (1 John 4:18). It frustrated me as a perfectionist that I struggled with fear. I didn't want to be afraid. I wanted to talk as easily as friends and family could. But fear always found a way. People "felt lead" to share the above verses with me a remarkable number of times. I was good at being properly ashamed at my lack of faith and abundance of fear, but nothing changed. Growing up didn't help. The monsters in the shadows turned into bills, loss, change, bullying, and culture shock. God may not give a spirit of fear, but I managed to find a few along the way and they were gregarious little creatures. Nothing like a fear to attract more fears. Fear turned to anger, anger turned to… oops, wrong story. And then I got it. Fear is a natural human feeling, a survival instinct (don't believe me? Check the stats on male to female longevity. Bravado is not for the mortal). Love comes in and gives you something to look at besides fear. Fear is a part of human nature, but love can keep it in check. Love says trust. Fear says control. Love says protect. Fear says hide and fortify. Love says you are worth it. Fear says you don't deserve a chance. Love walks into a crowded room and sees someone to care for. Fear can't see farther than the crowd. Love sees reality and works with it. Fear is blind and delusional. Love makes a difference. Fear won't even try.
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August 2018
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