Confessions of a human nurse
We're in a mighty conflict here/the army of the Lord/we must join forces standing tall/and lean upon his word/The enemy is now in view/and bravely circles round/then comes a cry from the battlefield/another soldier down ("Another Soldier Down," The Isaacs)
I quit. Have you heard what they're saying??? It's pointless. Why do I even try? They don't listen. They get what they came for and leave without actually hearing what I said.
I created them, even died for them. Same response (John 1:11, Is 29:13).
I know we're supposed to love and all that, but I'm not you. This is too hard. Impossible actually. How do you love someone who spits in your face and is so petty and rude?
Indeed. How? You can't. I do. And only I can. That's the point. This was never about what you could do for me, but what I can do through you (1 John 4:10, Rom 5:8-10, Col 1:29).
I don't want to do this anymore, Lord. No matter what I do, it doesn't seem to make a difference. We can see more, do more, hear more and all I do is hurt more and sleep less and the problems don't end. What difference does it make, really?
I gave my Son over to die, made solving the problem of sin so simple a child could figure it out, yet somehow people persist in looking anywhere else (1 Peter 3:18, Matt 18:2-4).
If we're doing such good work, why do I feel so miserable? If this what you called me to, why does it feel so dark? Why does it seem like we're getting no where?
My love, I promised you many things, including pain of which you have felt only a fraction. My Son died and all who follow must be prepared to give nothing less as I made clear from the beginning (John 16:33). You see, my Son did not just die for you, he also rose and lives again for you. So now you too are called to serve me by serving others in dying and living (Rom 4:25, 8:34)
I don't love them, Lord. Honestly, I don't even want to. It hurts too much. I'm tired of hurting. Lord, they're unloveable!
So are you. I CHOSE to love you, willingly and freely (Eph 1:3-8). I took pleasure in it, yes, but please remind me where I ever said it was or is easy (Zeph 3:17). One day I will right the wrongs and there will be an end of the sin and injustice that you see. My apparent silence is not agreement or passivity (Ps 50:21, 1 Pt 3:1-10). I see. I care. I will judge and it will be set right and no hurt will be truly pointless.
Lord, do you know what happens to them? The ones who weren't saved? Do you know what happens to those tiny limbs, to the perfect beating hearts?
I do. I see and am with them from the moment they were conceived and did not leave them when they passed from this world straight into my arms (Ps 139:13-16, Rom 8:3). They were not saved from death as you wanted, but rather through it (Dan 3:17). They are still mine. And so are you, my little solider. Keep going until I come for you. Stop fighting battles never meant for you, rely on me for the ones that are and trust me to win the war (Rev 21).
After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages standing before the throne and before the Lamb, dressed in white robes… (Rev 7:9)
He who testifies to these things says, 'Surely I am coming soon.' Amen. Come, Lord Jesus! (Rev 22:20)